Good Grief.

Grief is such a strange experience. Recently, I've been dreaming about my grandpa and in those dreams, I'm always crying hysterically. In general, I don't think I feel sad about his passing from this world, but I suppose my subconscious is still mourning. As I wrote that sentence, I never really considered how my inner child feels about my grandpa no longer being physically present. Tears actually began to well up in my eyes. As I'm typing this, I'm realizing that the adult me is at peace, but my inner child is in pain and probably still grieving.

Buelo meant the world to me. The very first word I learned was 'Buelo'. I used to go fishing with him, my dad, and cousin. He would take me to school and make me banana smoothies that had a hint of spiciness because the blender had been used for salsa the day before lol. We'd watch The Three Stooges, and oh man, he loved them. I can still hear his laugh. He loved singing too. At every family gathering, everyone would beg him to go on stage and sing. I think that's my favorite thing about him, how much he loved music and that he was musically talented. I also remember going to city hall with him, and boy, did he know EVERYONE. I hated going there with him because it felt like we were there for hours as everyone stopped him to say hi and have long conversations. He was famous in the city of Carrollton, I swear. He worked for the city, but still, I think it shows the type of person he was. He was so friendly and kind.

At his viewing, I stared at my tattoo thinking wow. How ironic. I got his handwriting tattooed on me saying "good morning". His transition out of this life was a good mourning. At least for me it was. He was diagnosed with Parkinsons disease around the time I got that tattoo. Perfect timing considering the shakiness of his hand progressed each year. Watching his health decline through out the years were rough.

His soul gently transtitioned on the day of easter last year. We were all by his side. I got to say my last words to him and I could tell he heard every word I said, I kind of felt like he wanted to say something back to me but he wasn't able to.

It was comforting knowing he wasn't struggling and in pain any longer. I'm glad he's finally at peace.

My perspective on death has significantly changed ever since I somehow was able to channel a deceased family member. He's the one shown below on the left beside my grandpa.

Even though someone has passed away, it doesn't mean communication ceases. I hope that one day I'll be able to connect with you, Buelo. I know you're always there.

I love you so freaking much buelo. I can't take thank you enough for all the memories and love you shared with me.